Trusting Each Other as Women

The question I have been pondering for many years is how do we learn to trust other women in a culture that has for the most part encouraged women to be competitive with each other.

I found that it took me many years to trust my girlfriends, especially when it came to boys, as my mother told me over and over again that I couldn't trust my girlfriends around my boyfriends. I heard it so many times that I began to create situations that would reinforce this message. I would feel very insecure when I would introduce a guy I liked to one of my girlfriends.

What helped me to overcome this belief and begin to trust women more was a friend of mine that demonstrated to me, that I could trust her around my boyfriends. She embodied what being a 'temple sister' was before I even knew what that meant. I would often feel that when she was present all the guys would notice her and forget about me, but this was really just my own negative self talk speaking. She never gave me cause to doubt her friendship and always reminded me that being a sister to me was a sacred thing that she would not betray. I felt so committed to healing this within myself that I continued to work on this area, but it has been partly because of her friendship that I was able to finally trust another woman. We are still friends today after 30+ years and we still have that bond of sisterhood between us.

I have been fortunate to have been connected to a community of women who feel like sisters, temple sisters so to speak and who treat each other with love, respect and trust. It is true that I am living in an area, Northern California, where the women in my community are very open-minded and sex positive. We tend to gather in groups and celebrate each other as women, playing and just hanging out with each other. What this has given to me is an opportunity to experience a type of sisterhood that I have never had. Even though I don't see these women often there is still a sense of connection at this level.

Some of us even try to model how to deal with jealousy and competition between us over a man. We at least are willing to talk about it openly without alot of negativity or blame if we can. We are not perfect and we are all still learning and growing but having been a part of this type of sisterhood definitely has allowed me to feel more trusting toward women.

I found that there is an unspoken understanding between us a code of behavior which many women adopt between friends, especially where it concerns men.All of this has helped me personally to become the kind of woman and sister/friend that I wish to have. I need to be the example in order myself first. Then I can call these women into my life with more ease.

You too can become a true sister, a temple sister with commitment and practice. Just begin to open yourself first to any wounding you may have had and be willing to let it go now. I have a few exercises you can do on my website Womensmysteries.org/TempleSisters if you need some suggestions on how to heal this area in your life.

If you are a woman who is longing to have deeply lasting and truly loving connections with other women, connections without competition, fear, distrust or jealousy than I invite you to come and join the Temple Sisterhood.

Learning How to Be a Temple Sister

We often teach the things we are learning ourselves. And so I had my own learning experience yesterday with a temple sister of mine.

So I will back track here for a minute. A few weeks ago I was at a festival and was introduced by this sister to a man she had connected with. I did not at that time pick-up her interest in him as she has predominently been with women. This man and I seemed to have a connection, when we danced there was a spark that got ignited and alot of chemistry. For me, having not experienced anything like that for a very long time I went with it. I hung out with him intermittently during the day, and later he came back to my house with me.

I thought nothing of this as he felt more like an occassional lover/playmate and really nothing more. So last night when I saw my dear friend again, she told me how she had spent time with him during these past few weeks exploring the possibility of having a deeper relationship with him. She also shared how she was feeling very hurt by my actions, my insensitvity regarding my behavior the day I met him.

So here is it was in my face. I acted unconsciously in an earlier situation and my sister, dear friend was hurt by my actions. What was I to do? How could I let her know that I was truly sorry for causing her any pain and to let her know that her relationship was far more important to me that being with this guy.

I felt upset as well by my actions and so I spoke from my heart and told her my truth and then I apologized to her and took full responsibility for my actions. I realized that this man was not that important to me, and told her so, and let her know that if she decided to pursue him as partner I would gladly drop out. I told her that her friendship meant more to me than being with this guy. She accepted my apology and we hugged and that was that.

But this incident did ask me to look deeper into myself, to see if there was anything else operating that I was in denial about my actions. I realized that being a true Temple Sister, requires that I be ruthlessly honest with myself and that I may make mistakes, go unconscious and do something I will even regret, but that I am always responsible for those actions. I realized that I want to be the kind of woman that truly does honor and trust her women friends and will act accordingly if one of them was interested in a man I too wanted to be with or vice a versa.

I have to walk my talk as they say. Being a woman that can be trusted by other women, a woman who honors the feelings of other women and who values her women friends as much as she does her man. I want to be the kind of woman that really lives in sisterhood with other women.

Being a true Temple Sister isn't always easy, as it is a committment to yourself first and then to your women friends and to all women everywhere. You decide that women are important to women. It can be as simple as that.

This I see is the new paradigm that is being called for, and that I am creating by being willing to live in this way with my women friends, and I invite you to do the same.













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